I saw you last night for the first time in a while and I regret to say the magic wasn't there.
I've had a crush on you for most of my life, since that first moment when you showed up at the party as geek # 1 in "Sixteen Candles". You stole my heart when you cried in "Say Anything" and when you choose not to sleep with "The Sure Thing" I knew you were the one.
Sure we had our moments... but as you passed through the stages of your life I felt connected with you every step. I may not have been a hired killer at my 10 year class reunion - but I appreciated that your dark side had paid off. And to be honest, the pony tail you wore as you passed through the portal into John Malcovich's brain, was a bit of a stretch. But John, you were the one I kept on my top ten list - through it all.
We both know the last few years have not been satisfying. Putting your name on a $5 bill was a bad idea and I don't know where to start with "American Sweetheart" I never saw you as being so shallow. But when I would doubt where our relationship was headed I would just have to listen to a mix tape and know that some day you would come back to me.
When I heard that you were ready to find love again I was ready to take the plunge with you. Everything seemed right, you and I were again in sync with our lives and I was excited to see how we would enter this new chapter.
But John...you have disappointed me. You sat back and played the victim in the relationship not taking responsibility for your own happiness. John, we have grown accustomed to your dark side, to the philosopher who believes that love may never come but this was too much. The old John was had a glimmer of hope that love would succeed. This time even I was surprised when it did and you seemed genuinely shocked.
Sure it would be nice if we were still in our 20s and able to be toss around relationships like juggling balls. But we are not John, we know the dark side and yet we still want to experience the ride. I was hoping you would take this ride with me... again imitating the stages in life we are traveling through.
Perhaps it is time to find a real life hero to share these experiences with. Good luck John, we'll always have Jeremy Piven to lean on.